Although this question may appear rather odd, it does seeem to be worth considering...
This is because I fail to see many people being adequately shocked by the bad, appalling and even criminal behaviour of some children! Not that long ago such behaviour wouldn't have been tolerated by any adults or, for that matter, by society in general...
So what do I see rather than adult shock at children's bad behaviour? It's pathetic really. I see abject acceptance, lethargy and frequent shoulder shrugging in that, 'Well, what can we do about it,' sort of way...
I'm often asked, 'When kids know it's wrong, why do they keep behaving that way?' To find out if you'll actually do something about it... Finding out what they can get away with and what you'll put up with...
Oh, come on, get a grip. Show a bit of backbone, a bit of grit, a bit of substance...
I had a shocking conversation in a school a few months ago. The person concerned is lovely, but like too many adults these days, completely wet. Wet? Yes, wet - nice but soppy, soft, lacking energy. An willingness to accept totally unacceptable behaviour without question.
I meet many such people in schools. Nice enough and who really want to do the best for the kids but with no idea of the damage they're causing to children's longer term development.
So what's the problem. Well, their best just isn't good enough and I often have to give this message to them - gently at first but increasingly firmly until they get it. You've got to toughen up. You've got to be shocked and appalled at what you've allowed kids to get away with. What all society has allowed kids to get away with.
I really don't want to cause offence but on the other hand I have to (we have to!) shake people out of this lethargy and learned helplessness...
So what was this conversation with the 'nice' person?
There's a lot of problem behaviour at the school - kids lacking respect, poor results, aggression and violence... It was an increasing problem...
'Well, what can we do,' this 'very nice person' bleated helplessly.
'Well, showing a bit of wrath wouldn't go amiss,' I said quite firmly.
And this 'very nice person's' response - and they were being totally serious?
'At what time should I start showing wrath?'
I nearly collapsed. You don't know at what point to be actively displeased with kids' behaviour? Sorry mate, you shouldn't be in the job... Adults really have lost the plot.
Some action must be taken to stop this situation getting even worse. Excuses for bad behaviour have got to stop and adults have got to learn to do something to deal with bad behaviour. It can't be allowed to continue where children's bad behaviour is being condoned by adults doing nothing to stop it...
Parents, schools, adults in general, the police, the judicial system are all culpable in this mass dereliction and abandonment of their obligation and duty to manage children's behaviour. So shrugging your shoulders and absolving yourself of this responsibility won't do. Making endless excuses and doing practically nothing just isn't good enough!!
It's not difficult to learn how to deal with behaviour. A bit of effort is involved, but the rewards are enormous. When you consider the alternatives - admitting that you can't make the effort, that you have little substance or character?
If you have to admit you can't be bothered then you really shouldn't be in charge of children. That's true, for sure... - 29957
This is because I fail to see many people being adequately shocked by the bad, appalling and even criminal behaviour of some children! Not that long ago such behaviour wouldn't have been tolerated by any adults or, for that matter, by society in general...
So what do I see rather than adult shock at children's bad behaviour? It's pathetic really. I see abject acceptance, lethargy and frequent shoulder shrugging in that, 'Well, what can we do about it,' sort of way...
I'm often asked, 'When kids know it's wrong, why do they keep behaving that way?' To find out if you'll actually do something about it... Finding out what they can get away with and what you'll put up with...
Oh, come on, get a grip. Show a bit of backbone, a bit of grit, a bit of substance...
I had a shocking conversation in a school a few months ago. The person concerned is lovely, but like too many adults these days, completely wet. Wet? Yes, wet - nice but soppy, soft, lacking energy. An willingness to accept totally unacceptable behaviour without question.
I meet many such people in schools. Nice enough and who really want to do the best for the kids but with no idea of the damage they're causing to children's longer term development.
So what's the problem. Well, their best just isn't good enough and I often have to give this message to them - gently at first but increasingly firmly until they get it. You've got to toughen up. You've got to be shocked and appalled at what you've allowed kids to get away with. What all society has allowed kids to get away with.
I really don't want to cause offence but on the other hand I have to (we have to!) shake people out of this lethargy and learned helplessness...
So what was this conversation with the 'nice' person?
There's a lot of problem behaviour at the school - kids lacking respect, poor results, aggression and violence... It was an increasing problem...
'Well, what can we do,' this 'very nice person' bleated helplessly.
'Well, showing a bit of wrath wouldn't go amiss,' I said quite firmly.
And this 'very nice person's' response - and they were being totally serious?
'At what time should I start showing wrath?'
I nearly collapsed. You don't know at what point to be actively displeased with kids' behaviour? Sorry mate, you shouldn't be in the job... Adults really have lost the plot.
Some action must be taken to stop this situation getting even worse. Excuses for bad behaviour have got to stop and adults have got to learn to do something to deal with bad behaviour. It can't be allowed to continue where children's bad behaviour is being condoned by adults doing nothing to stop it...
Parents, schools, adults in general, the police, the judicial system are all culpable in this mass dereliction and abandonment of their obligation and duty to manage children's behaviour. So shrugging your shoulders and absolving yourself of this responsibility won't do. Making endless excuses and doing practically nothing just isn't good enough!!
It's not difficult to learn how to deal with behaviour. A bit of effort is involved, but the rewards are enormous. When you consider the alternatives - admitting that you can't make the effort, that you have little substance or character?
If you have to admit you can't be bothered then you really shouldn't be in charge of children. That's true, for sure... - 29957
About the Author:
Liz Marsden is a highly respected behaviour management specialist who teaches those considered too challenging and disruptive to attend mainstream schools. Liz uses her skills to train teachers, trainee teachers, classroom assistants and parents to deal with children's behaviour confidently and effectively. Visit Liz's website where you can learn about her down to earth, easy to follow techniques. Follow them and see stress reduce.
